if madonna were president

"IF I WERE PRESIDENT" by Madonna Ciccone
GEORGE magazine, 1994.


It seems funny to start a sentence with the words "If I were
president," because I'm sure I'd never want to be. I vaguely remember
being asked this question in fifth-grade history class, but that was
the year I discovered boys. And my political ambitions took a back
seat to my libido. (I know what you're thinking -- some things never
change.)


Don't get me wrong. I like the idea of being a leader and effecting
change. I like the idea of being an inspiration to the downtrodden, of
educating the masses. I like the idea of fighting for equal rights for
women and gays and all minorities. I like the idea of embracing other
countries and other cultures and promoting world peace. Fighting the
good fight, as it were. But I think I'd rather do it as an artist.
Because artists are allowed to make mistakes and artists are allowed
to have unconventional ideas and artists are allowed to be overweight
and dress badly and have an opinion. Artists are allowed to have a
past. In short, artists are allowed to be human. And presidents are
not. So the question is, how can someone be a good leader if he or she
isn't allowed to be human?


It doesn't seem like it's always been this way, but as we hurl
ourselves into the twenty-first century, our paranoia seems to grow
with our technological advancement. We live in an increasingly fearful
society--too many people have guns, too many people are afraid, too
many people are struggling, and too many people need a scapegoat.
Someone to blame. A whipping boy. And this, my friend, is what we seem
to need presidents for. As soon as we're done congratulating them, we
tie their hands behind their backs and watch them flounder. A
self-fulfilling prophecy. The President is going to fuck up. The
President did fuck up! The President sucks!!! He's the reason we're in
this mess. Give me another beer. Nobody wants to take responsibility
for their own behavior. If you're president, there are too many people
to please and too few toes you can step on, and one day you wake up
and find you don't have a point of view or a set of balls. I'd rather
eat glass.


But if I were the president ... you know, like in some parallel
universe where there wasn't any pain or prejudice, where the National
Enquirer did not exist and women were allowed to empower themselves
without being labeled heretical and perverse, then:
* Schoolteachers would be paid more than movie stars or basketball
players.
* Rush Limbaugh, Bob Dole and Jesse Helms would be sentenced to a
hard-labor work camp for the rest of their lives.
* Howard Stern would get kicked out of the country and Roman
Polanski would be allowed back in.
* The entire armed forces would come out of the closet.


That's just off the top of my head, but don't get me started - I have
enough problems.


- M.C

not the biggest fan of the song but it's cute and what starts out as a corny little 'pop' song that borrows from 'carwash' a bit...it pulls a nice little melancholic punch at dubya...and any punch at him is welcome in whatever package it may come

madonna - superpop
click on title to download

If I was an animal, I’d be a lion. If I was a car, I’d be an Aston Martin. If I was a genius, I’d be Isaac Newton. If I was a hero, I’d be Martin Luther. If you want to reach the top (Reach the top) If you do, you’ll never stop (Never stop) If I was an actor, I’d be Marlon Brando. If I was a painter, I’d be Frida Kahlo. If I was a drink, I’d be a Lemon Drop. If I was a song, I would be Super Pop. If you want to reach the top (Reach the top) If you do, you’ll never stop (Never stop) If you want to reach the top (Reach the top) If you do, you’ll never stop (Never stop) If I was a star, I would be who I am today. If I was a fighter, I’d be Cassius Clay. If I was emotion, I would be intense. If I was a man, I would be president. I’ll be different, If I’m the president. I’ll be different, If I’m the president. (Ooh, yeah) x3 If I was an animal, I’d be a dog. If I was a dog, I would be a man. If I was a man, I’d be the president. If I was the president, I’d be different. If you want to reach the top (Reach the top) If you do, you’ll never stop (Never stop) If you want to reach the top (Reach the top) If you do, you’ll never stop (Never stop) If you want to reach the top, You have started and never stop. If you want to reach the top, You have started and never stop. If you want to reach the top, (Reach the top) Never stop, You have started and never stop. (If you want to reach the top) Never stop, The top. (Reach the top) Never stop, The top. (Reach the top)

here are some other 'politically' inspired quotes from the queen

"Since when is offensive language a reason for being unpopular? I find the language of George W much more offensive."

"You know it's ironic that we're fighting for democracy in Iraq because we ultimately aren't celebrating democracy here.

"Because anybody who has anything to say against the war or against the president or whatever -- is punished, and that's not democracy -- it's people being intolerant."

"If I were President, Howard Stern would get kicked out of the country -- and Roman Polanski would be allowed back in!"

So how does "President Madonna" justify ejecting Citizen Stern for exercising his constitutional right to free speech -- but welcoming a foreigner who was 44 when convicted of raping a 13-year-old American child he plied with drugs and booze? She says it's

"because artists are allowed to make mistakes and have unconventional ideas . . . !"