intoxication

if i have to beg for love

if i have to beg for a shot of bourbon

if i have to worry about whether someone is going to steal my friend's seat

if i have to apologize for my previous behaviour

if i have to feel bad

if i have to wonder if i will ever remember

if i have to smoke a cigarette in the window in the bathroom

if i have to spray some faggot's cologne to hide that cigarette

if i have to wonder how i am going to get home

if i have to lock my little bedroom door

if i have to pick and choose my words

if i have to wonder if people love me

if i have to beg myself to wake up

if i have to screen my phone calls

if i have to visit that website

if i have to believe what other people say

if i have to change that lightbulb

if i have to sleep in the other room

i must believe that i am definitely not happy

i am definitely not in the right place

i am definitely not wearing the right shoes

i am definitely not practicing the proper religion

i am definitely not

i am definitely not

i am definitely not