madonna sans child!

Leave out the ageist sexist slander surrounding the Queen of Pop's divorce, please. Guy clearly just couldn't keep up

Bidisha
guardian.co.uk, Friday October 17 2008 12.00 BST


Keeping the beat going, forever.
Photograph: Dan Smith/AP

It's inevitable that the Queen of Pop should eventually have to confront issues of age, decay and sexual redundancy. There comes a time to abandon embarrassing obsessions and admit that no amount of effort can convey an impression of youthful readiness. Yes, it's finally happened: Guy Ritchie has become too old to be Madonna's consort.

The divorce is confirmed and Ritchie is to be banished from the royal realm with £2.50, a packed lunch and a spare pair of socks. I'm surprised; I thought it was a logical match and that standard interpretations of the Madonna-Ritchie dynamic are transparently sexist. Madonna is vilified as a voracious castrator-succubus, preying upon once-talented males like Sean Penn and, er, Warren Beatty and Carlos Leon, leaving them spent and careerless. She's slandered as a monstrously butch alpha female whose incomprehensible success publicly emasculates her gamma male companions. Or else she is a once-relevant, once-tough wretch who's gone soft, becoming a country wife in masochistic thrall to a chauvinist.

"What does she see in him?" asked Madonna fans as the vows were exchanged at Skibo Castle eight years ago. I think she saw a man who likes intelligent women, as evidenced by Ritchie's own formidable mother. I think she saw a kind father to her children. What did Ritchie see in Madonna? Probably her talent, charisma, guts and brains. Maybe he couldn't keep up with her. After all, she's made of brushed titanium and fuelled by some dark matter that makes her impervious to the laws of space-time, physics and biology. When astronomers spy burnt planets and frazzled satellites scorching the cosmos, they know that these are power sources that Madonna has consumed for fuel, to keep the beat going.

It's amazing that the paucity of Ritchie's talent should be put down to Madonna's ruining of him. The sexist ageism against Madonna has been overwhelming ever since she appeared looking frankly amazing in a leotard in the Hung Up video in 2005. "Madonna falls onstage, does not break hip!" crowed the LA Times recently, referring to a moment when she lost her balance during her Sticky and Sweet tour. A commenter on the website sneered "Sit down old woman".

Does she care? Probably, but that won't stop her. Romances come and go, but Madonna is forever. She's a genius, a true artist, a polymath who's written some of the best pop songs in history. She deserves all of the acclaim and none of the insults. Think of Vogue, Live to Tell, La Isla Bonita, Oh Father and Hung Up. Think of the triumvirate of perfect albums, Like a Prayer, Ray of Light and Confessions. The street coolness of Desperately Seeking Susan. The video for Die Another Day. I'm Breathless on the Dick Tracy soundtrack. And the great twinsets in that clothing collection for H&M.

I reckon Madonna's next album will be her best ever. In the meantime, I hope Ritchie's lottery funding application for Snatch 2 works out.